Forgive me for posting yet another poem, but I am finding myself in extreme self-reflection these days. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, since this time of year usually tends to be that way for me. The poem below was written in January of 2000, as I was going through an extremely painful and difficult time in my life:

I walk the beaches to pretend that life is ok,
And I rationalize that my time here on earth is limited.
I acknowledge that I’ve used up a lot of sin,
And my depression consistently resurfaces.
I continue to feel as though I’ve lived a terrible life,
And that my sins will never be forgiven.
I’m so lucky to be alive, yet I seldom feel that way-
And I purposely remind myself that I have hurt so many people.
I stop, and look back to see how far I’ve walked,
But something surprises me-
All I can see is one set of footprints,
And realize that not once did my feet ever move…

I believe that every person has the opportunity to capture moments like this - some have more chances than others. You see, years ago I choose to live my life the way I wanted, yet somehow I was always left feeling empty. What made matters worse, was that the reasons behind my emptiness evaded me, and I was never able to wrap myself around the truth of why I felt so alone.

One of my favorite artists (and poets) is Jewel. You might not know much of her story, other than her being a songwriter. For her, life went deeper than that - deeper than playing a guitar and writing down words. Between struggling with her parents’ divorce, homelessness, and many tribulations, she was able to capture those experiences in a book of inspiring poems called A Night Without Armor. The preface reads:

I’ve learned that not all poetry lends itself to music - some thoughts need to be sung against the silence. There are softer and less tangible parts of ourselves that are so essential to peace, to openheartedness, to unfolding the vision and the spiritual realm of our lives, to exposing our souls.

And so I was inspired not by her beauty, but by her words. Alongside my years of writing, I have begun to implement something of which she also often speaks of.

That we are loved beyond our ability to comprehend.